Getting Out: A Divorce Manual

The following is excerpted from GETTING OUT: A Divorce Manual, written by the law students and attorneys of the Domestic Relations Project of the Cleveland Chapter of the National Lawyers Guild. When a marriage breaks down, many women find themselves without the skills needed to be independent. Even those women who have those skills are often helpless when faced with the legal system. It is hoped that the information in Getting Out will help women to exert some control over their lives and to take advantage of their independence.

Getting Out will be reprinted here in its entirety in serial form. It is also available from the NLG's Women's Caucus. The prices are: $1.00 for individual copies and $.75 per copy for orders of 50

or more.

Requests, comments and criticisms should be directed to: Women's Caucus, National Lawyers Guild, P. O. Box 02133, Cleveland, Ohio 44102. Your suggestions and criticisms would be appreciated.

PREPARING FOR DIVORCE

If you are thinking about getting a divorce, it is important to start looking out for yourself and your children. Even if you are on good terms with your husband, you may not be later on. The following steps are suggested to protect yourself:

1. Open your own bunk account. If you have no money or job of your own, withdraw money from your jointly held account(s). Put this money in bank account or use it to buy traveler's checks. (Traveler's checks may be a better idea since your husband may be able to get at the bank account.)

Keep receipts and an accounting of everything you spend in a notebook to show how the money was used for support for yourself and your children.

If you do get a divorce, you may have to return part of this money. But in the meantime, you will at least have some money to live on.

2. QUICKLY find out about ALL family money matters. Get copies of all important papers such as titles, deeds, insurance policies, wills and past income tax returns.

3. Get your own credit. Cancel credit cards under both of your names; and try to get new ones under your own name..

4. If your husband moves out of the house, get his keys and/or change the locks, Legally, he still has a right to come into the house. (See section on temporary orders for how to get a court order to keep him out legally, if necessary.) You should also get your own set of car keys,

5. If you are afraid your busband may beat you or the children, move out of the house, preferably in with a friend. Do not let your husband know where you are living. If you want custody of the children, be sure to keep them with you. However, unless your husband was abusing the children, he has a right to see them. Once you have filed for a divorce, you can go imo court and get a temporary restraining order to keep your husband from harming you. Support groups and emergency help are listed in the Appendix.

6. Court battles can be a nightmare. Even parts of your life that are very innocent can sometimes be twisted and used against you. For this reason, be careful what you tell and who you tell about your personal life. Some friends of yours and your husband's may take sides. You may also lose some of your own friends.

7. If you are going for counseling, do not tell your husband unless he is going with you.

8. It is often hard to find people to rely on for understanding and support. The people closest to the divorce may not be your best choice. This includes your husband and your attorney. (See Appendix for support groups.)

9. Do not let your children take part in any 1 fighting between you and your husband. Explain to them that you and their father have problems; but assure them that you both love them very much. Page 12/What She Wants/September, 1978

10. It is better to file for divorce first. Do not wait for your husband to do it.

WAYS TO END THE MARRIAGE

Dissolution

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Once you have decided that you want to end your marriage, you must decide the way you will do it. The simplest way to end a marriage is a dissolution. If you and your husband agree on how to divide up the property, who will take care of the children, how much support will be paid, and everything else, then you can get a dissolution.

You will have to put what you agree to in writing. This paper is called a separation agreement. The separation agreement is given to the court. In one or two months, both you and your husband will have to go to court and answer a few questions. These questions will help the judge or referee decide. whether the separation agreement is fair. The judge will then grant the dissolution.

If you can agree on everything, the dissolution is the best way to end the marriage. It tends to be cheaper, faster, and causes less bad feelings.

Divorce

The most common way to end a marriage is by divorce. One party must show that the other party. has done something which a court thinks is a good enough reason to end the marriage. These reasons are called "grounds". In Ohio, these are the grounds for divorce:

1. Gross neglect of duty. This usually means your husband does not support the family and/or he has been absent from the home for a long time. Other things he does or does not do may be gross neglect of duty, depending on the case.

2. You and your husband have lived apart for two years. If you live with him even one day during the two years, you will not be able to use this ground. This is sometimes called the "no-fault" ground for divorce.

3. At the time ‘of your marriage, your husband was already legally married to someone else. 4. Your husband left you without your consent and has been gone a year without coming back. 5. Your husband got a divorce in another state. 6. Your husband is drunk a lot of the dime. 7. Your husband physically hurts you or causes you great mental harm. Not all courts will grant a divorce because of mental harm alone.

8. Your husband has had sexual intercourse with someone other than you while you were married (adultery).

9. Your husband is in a state or federal prison. (Note: The divorce must be filed while he is in prison and not after he gets out. If you marry him while he is in prison or knowing that be is going to prison, you cannot use this ground.)

10. Your husband has been in a mental institution for four years or more, and you have not lived with him during this time. (Note: He must still be in the institution at the time you file for divorce.)

11. Your husband is physically unable to have sexual intercourse (impotency) and you did not know this at the time of the marriage.

Discuss all the facts of your case with your lawyer so that s/he will be able to help you decide what grounds you have for a divorce.

Starting the Divorce

To start the divorce, you pay a court fee and file a complaint. A complaint is a paper which tells the Court and the other party (your husband) that you want a divorce and why (the grounds). The person filing the complaint is called the plaintiff. The other party is called the defendant.

If

you have a very low income, you can fill out a form called a poverty affidavit. It will then cost you much less to file the divorce in court. As of August, 1977, a divorce cost $3.00 with a poverty affidavit, or $50.00 without one. Even with a poverty affidavit,` the court may later decide you have to pay the rest of the fee, depending on your income. Remember, the filing fee is only what the court charges to file a divorce. You may still have to pay your lawyer's fees.

The divorce can take two forms. Your husband may decide to fight the divorce because 1) he does not want one, 2) he denies the grounds, or 3) he does not agree to what you want out of the divorce. This is called a contested divorce. Your husband will have to answer the complaint to fight the divorce. A contested divorce can take anywhere from five months to two years and is generally very expensive. It often causes many bad feelings between the wife, the husband, and the children. It usually ends with each side giving in a little by the time of the hearing. If both sides cannot finally agree, there will be a trial and the judge will decide what happens.

If your husand does not fight the divorce, this is called an uncontested divorce This takes a much shorter time, usually four to six months. It may take more or less time depending upon your case. You will still have to go to court and tell the judge why you want the divorce (the grounds). You will have to bring two people with you one who will back up what you tell the judge about the grounds for divorce and one who will say that you are a truthful person. Your husband does not have to come to court for an uncontested divorce.

Annulment

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Annulment is another way to end your marriage, but it is not often used. When a marriage is annulled, the law treats it as if you never were married. Any children born of the marriage are still legitimate.

The most common grounds for annulment are:

1. The busband was under 18 or the wife was under 16 at the time of the marriage.

2.

The busband or wife is married to someoDE

else.

3. The busband and wife have never had sexual intercourse.

There is almost no difference between divorce and annulment. You can get alimony and child support in both. However, if there are children, you should probably get a divorce. Children may not be able to get social security and other benefits if your marriage is annulled.

An annulment may not be allowed if you do not file for it within a certain time. If this is the way you are going to end your marriage, talk to a lawyer right away.

Separation

Alimony Only [Separate Maintenance]

If you do not want to get a divorce, but you and your husband do not want to live together, you can file what is called an Alimony Only action. An (continued on p. 14)